How to make real change in your life

I recently lost a good friend of mine. An amazing person. He was an artist, an engineer, and a musician. He traveled internationally, a true citizen of the world. He spent years living in both the cloudy moors of Ireland and the baking sun of Mexico before coming home to Canada. He was one of those people who had an endless supply of stories, you could just hang out with him and listen for hours and you'd hardly know where the evening went. He was also a lifelong smoker, just like his parents, his brothers, and everyone else in his family. He was 46 years old when his doctor told him he had cancer. He didn't make it to 47.

During the visitation at his funeral we all cried. We all shared our favorite stories of his, our favorite pieces of art, and, of course we all cursed the habit that killed him. Everyone in that room knew that cigarettes had taken someone special from us that day, that they stole the best years of his life of someone who had so much more to give and made his last months on earth an agonizing ordeal. But, that didn't stop anyone from ducking in and out for a quick smoke break.

You'd think an event like this would be enough to change a person. That you'd take that pack of cigarettes out of your pocket and dump them into the trash, never to smoke again. But that's not how people are. We know what we need to do, we know what would be good for us, but actually making that change, even in the face of utter catastrophe, can be nearly impossible.

It's the same in our spiritual lives. Sin can be just as addictive as smoking. Even when we know that we need to make a change, when we can see the evidence of what will happen if we don't right in front of our eyes, we can find ourselves powerless to make it happen.

Overnight transformation is impossible. You can't rely on one shock to the system to make a change that will stick. But that's not to say it can't be done. When you're ready to make a change in your life, remember the following points.

Have you ever made a New Year's resolution? A big showy proclamation of a change or a goal you were going to work on for the next year?

If you're like most people, you know how well those work.

The truth is change isn't like switching on a light. Simply saying you plan on doing something, even if you really believe it in the moment, isn't likely to have a lasting impact. Chang needs to be backed up with consistent, regular action. In other words, change needs to become a habit. 

Think about your habits, both good and bad. What ties them together? Your morning cup of coffee, the way you always say thank you when someone holds a door open for you, or even chewing gum? They're not conscious decisions. You've done them so regularly, and so many times, that it's just they become natural to you. It's just the same when we want to make change in our spiritual lives. We have the repeat the behavior we want to adopt again and again until it becomes the natural, unthinking way we operate.  

Declarations and bold statements are nice, but it's your habits that make up your life.

All the good intentions in the world don't add up to much if you never put them into practice. Whatever kind of change you want to make, to stop committing some recurring sin, to be a better partner to your spouse, to be more sincere in you're faith, you need to have a plan to work towards it. Set some milestones and boundaries. Write them down somewhere you can revisit them.

It might sound strange, but keeping track like this works. Ask anyone who has actually quit smoking, or gotten sober, or any other major change – chances are they'll tell you they were only able to make it happen after getting serious about it and setting some goals. More than likely, they'll also tell you that they needed some way of keeping themselves honest. You can't just count on self-determination when you're grappling with a real problem, you need to have some kind of accountability.

If you have somebody in your life that you can trust to keep you accountable, ask them to. It can be embarrassing if the problem is personal, but having someone out there that will check in on you and ask you how you're doing (preferably someone that knows you well) can make a world of difference when you're trying to put a plan into practice.

The truth is, change is incredibly hard. Big moments of self-reflection and realization might be enough to make you finally get serious about change, but actually putting in the work is hard. Maybe too hard for any one person.

It's a good thing you don't have to do it alone.

The only path to real, lifelong change is with God. You need to make your effort to change part of your walk with Christ, something that you actively bring to Him, seek guidance for, and pray about. Instead of taking on the burden all by yourself, allow the Holy Spirit to help you with the load, to keep you strong when you struggle and pick you up when you falter.